


Shiny and New

by Primarina (PastelBrachypelma)



Series: Queerplatonic Adventures [2]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gay Panic, Gen, M/M, Panic, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Fluff, Shyness, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 15:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17368895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelBrachypelma/pseuds/Primarina
Summary: “It’s beautiful,” Arin says. He’s talking about the snow.“I know,” Dan says. He’s talking about Arin.





	Shiny and New

Dan’s phone starts ringing at 3AM.

“Shit,” Dan groans, fumbling to get it. His volume is all the way up. Nash and Carter must’ve been messing with his settings. They’re getting too good at technology for him to just let them use his phone anymore. He recognizes Arin’s name even though he can barely see without his glasses, and he sleepily picks up. “Y’llo?”

“Dan!” Arin sounds way too excited, but, then again, it’s only midnight back home. Arin and Suzy probably would still be up and about at that hour. “Wait, sorry, did I wake you?” He seems about to temper his energy, but Dan chuckles.

“Not your fault. Nash ‘n Carter got into my settings.” Dan rolls over onto his back, rubbing his eyes. His family’s Thanksgiving meals are a mix of traditional holiday foods and classic Jewish favorites, so he’d spent most of the day eating himself into a food coma and watching football with his dad. He still feels satisfactorily dozy, having gone to bed with some pretty heavy food in his stomach. “Wassup, man?” He yawns.

“How would you feel,” Arin begins, like he’s about to make a sales pitch. Dan can’t help smiling, picturing Arin’s wild hand gestures, his big brown eyes wide enough that he looks a little insane, bouncing up and down from barely contained energy. His heart swells with fondness and he’s so lost that he misses what Arin said entirely.

“Wha?”

“I mean,” Arin sounds dejected, and Dan’s heart aches. Fuck, what a time for him to zone out. “We don’t have to…I just thought…”

“Big Cat,” Dan says warmly, hearing the way his voice gargles from his half-asleep state, “I zoned out. I didn’t hear what you were saying.” He smiles again, running a hand through his hair. “I got caught up thinking about how cute you look when you’re excited.”

“Oh.” Arin sounds relieved. “Okay, so…do you wanna go to Vermont with me?”

“Vermont?” Dan blinks. “I mean, sure? What’s in Vermont that you wanna see? Or was it Scuze’s idea?”

“Nah, it’s all me,” Arin sounds like he’s shrugging modestly. Dan wonders when he learned what that sounds like. “It’ll just be us, and uh. I dunno. I thought maybe we’d get to see some snow. It’ll give us time to relax and shit, before Jingle Grumps makes our life miserable.”

“Oh no, magical games about Christmas,” Dan intones, making Arin laugh. He lowers his voice, aware of his nephews asleep in the next room and turns towards the far wall. Wait…Arin said it was gonna be just them? Dan swallows. Since he and Arin had started a queer platonic relationship, they’d gone on a few “dates” of sorts: seeing a movie, going out to dinner, walking around under the stars. That kind of thing. But this is different. This is Arin asking him to travel somewhere with him, alone.

Part of him is scoffing because this will be far from the first time he and Arin have traveled with each other. But, then again, usually Brent or J.P., Brian or TWRP, is there along for the ride. This will be their first time alone together, and considering what they are, it seems…weirdly intimate.

“Is that okay?” Arin asks, as if reading Dan’s thoughts. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, no,” Dan reassures him. He’s learned that Arin is beautifully romantic, which, he supposes, given Arin’s generous nature as a whole, is to be expected. Dan’s been showered with gifts from day one, but since they’ve become platonically involved, Arin’s taken the extra mile. It’s a tub of Arin’s homemade ramen, enough to feed Dan for three days at least, and more if he rations it out. It’s Arin casually buying him a second edition copy of “The Last Unicorn” because he just “saw it on eBay” and thought it would be perfect. It’s an Eeyore dad hat from a Disneyland shop made of smooth corduroy that Dan has unironically worn several times (while his hair is in a ponytail, though, because otherwise, hats just make his hair poof in a way he thinks is unattractive). 

It’s the plush Eeyore keychain that Dan has affixed to his carryon backpack, a reminder that Arin is thinking of him while he’s away.

Frankly, Dan has never felt more loved in all his life, and he and Arin aren’t even technically dating! At least, not in the traditional way. Dan can’t help thinking of Arin as his boyfriend sometimes, though, even if the term makes the heckles of internalized homophobia rise up every time it floats through his brain.

But Arin’s waiting for an answer, patiently, while Dan’s been lost in his head. “Yeah, of course I’ll go with you.”

“Sweet!” Arin cheers. “Because I already got us first class tickets. I’m looking at hotels right now.”

Dan giggles. “When were you thinking of going?”

“Maybe like, two days after you get back?” Arin asks. “I know you usually like some time at home, but I figured you might still have jetlag, so you’d be more adjusted?”

Dan’s heart catches in his throat at Arin’s thoughtfulness. As he’s gotten older, his jetlag has tended to last longer. Not by much, but enough that he notices. He thinks it’s probably due to his history with insomnia. Arin’s thinking of his wellbeing. Two days is just enough time for him to do laundry and pack up again. He’s excited. He’ll follow Arin anywhere.

“I can’t wait.” Dan hums. “Love you, Big Cat.”  
“Love you, snuggle man.” Arin replies warmly. “I’ll let you get back to sleep. Goodnight!”

“Night.” Dan hangs up and sets his phone down, but he can barely sleep. His mind races with thoughts of sharing intimate space with Arin. It’s something that he’s always loved about having a partner, and he and Arin know each other well enough that he’s always felt comfortable sharing space with him.

He dreams of snow-covered mountains and holding Arin’s hand as they sip hot chocolate while snow falls outside. 

He wakes up wanting to kiss Arin, which is when the panic sets in.

~

“Suzy, I’m scared.”

“Why?” Suzy sits up, immediately on alert. It’s about 8PM in California, which means it’s midnight in New Jersey, which means Dan’s waited until his family is asleep to call. He’s flying home tomorrow, so she expects a change of plans, or something much worse. In her head, she prepares to pack a bag and get her and Arin on the next flight to NJ.

“I dreamed about kissing Arin.”

“Dan,” Suzy says, in a voice that is somehow both exasperated and angry. “You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!”

“Sorry,” Dan replies, and he is. “I just…I don’t know what that means, and I know we never talked about kissing being okay, and I kind of want to kiss him, but if I don’t like it, I’m scared to tell him and—”

“Dan,” Suzy says again, bending down to pick up Otto, who is purring at her feet. “I need you to breathe, honey.”

Dan takes a deep breath and sits down on the bed. His sister’s spare bedroom is minimalist and neat. There’s some kind of fine art piece framed over the dresser on the wall, and he tries to chase the bright splotches of magenta and yellow that weave through the artwork in the dark. 

“I don’t care if you kiss him,” Suzy says, cradling the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she adjusts Otto in her arms. “I only need to know if your feelings for him start to lean towards something else. Then we need to talk. But if you don’t feel that way, and everything is still platonic—”

“Which it is!” Dan hurries to say. “I love Arin, but…I think I’m straight. At least mostly,” he admits ruefully, tugging at the baby curls at the nape of his neck.

Suzy smiles. “Then anything you want to do is fine, Danny. And about kissing Arin…don’t worry about it. Nothing is gonna make things weird between you two. I mean that. Arin loves you a lot. I love you a lot. We’re not about to let you go.”

Dan sighs, relaxing for the first time in three days. “Thanks, Scuze. I needed to hear that.”

“Okay,” Suzy says soothingly. “You still flying home tomorrow? Arin wants to pick you up.”

“Yeah, I texted him earlier. He’s gonna pick me up at 3:30, and we’re gonna go for sushi if I’m up for it.”

Suzy nods. She knows this, since Arin told her. With stars in his eyes, if she recalls correctly. She’s not jealous at all. She can’t be. Just like she’d always known her heart could fit more than one person, she knew that Arin’s was the same way, right from the start. When she’d met Holly years ago, she was worried that Arin would never find someone…until Dan came along. Then she knew it was only a matter of time. It certainly took her boys long enough! “Good. Have a safe flight back, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Suze. Night.”

“Night!”

Dan hangs up and turns his phone over in his hand. He goes through the motions of getting ready for bed, but true sleep escapes him. He gets, at most, one hour, and feels like garbage in the morning. Even Dana’s best pancakes don’t serve him well. But he feels light and airy, on top of the world.

He gets to see Arin again. He is ecstatic.

~

Arin greets him with a warm hug when he steps off the plane. It’s tight enough to be suffocating, but Dan wriggles his arms out and hugs Arin back. It’s only when the squeezing starts to unsettle his stomach that he backs off. He’s been feeling nauseous since hour 2 of the flight, and the exhaustion weighing his body down isn’t helping. “I missed you, too,” Dan says, smiling shyly. “I don’t think I’m up for sushi, though. Sorry.”

Arin waves it off. “It’s fine. Let me grab your bags.”

Dan’s tired enough that he lets Arin carry everything but his backpack out to the car. He dozes during the drive back, and Arin barely speaks until they’re twenty minutes from his house.

“I’d carry you in,” Arin teases, “but the mini is awkward enough without worrying about your grasshopper limbs.” 

Dan snorts, stretching luxuriously. “I’ll be fine, thanks.”

Arin smiles. “Good. I’m looking forward to the trip.”Dan smiles. “Me too, big cat.”

~

They’re sitting in the airport and Dan feels...fine. 

He never bothered to readjust to California’s time zone since Vermont is in the Eastern time zone, the same as New Jersey, so he’s been living a bit of a strange lifestyle, three hours ahead of most of his friends. That has made for fairly strange hours. He’s been waking up at four or five in the morning and going to bed around seven or eight. His stomach, adjusted to New Jersey time, is only ever hungry at eight, twelve, and five. Sure he can snack throughout the day, but it’s such a weird schedule, and he hates it. He hates his new sleep schedule, having fallen asleep while working his first night home.

But it’s only been two days. Sure, he felt like a weirdo, walking into a McDonald’s (the only thing open at four in the morning) to order a coffee, ready to start his day like the sun was already up. But his Eastern Standard Time adjustment will serve him well where they’re going.

It’s six AM, which means he doesn’t feel like a wreck like he usually would. Instead, he’s a bit more energetic than usual, though not quite at the height of his energy, more like he would be around 9AM, had he been forced to wake up earlier than usual, which is usually around 10AM. Arin, however, is a zombie. Dan had actually insisted on driving, and they ended up taking his Murano instead of Arin’s mini. 

Arin’s head thunks against his shoulder across the uncomfortable airline waiting room seats, and Dan grins. His best friend can be oh so dramatic when it suits him. “You alive?” He teases.

Arin groans. “Barely.” He rolls his head upward, squinting through the artificial light at Dan. “Why’re you so chipper?”

“I’m still adjusted to Eastern time. My body thinks it’s well past time to be awake.” Dan reaches over to ruffle Arin’s hair, which is down and getting in his eyes. Arin’s hair is silky soft. He must use women’s shampoo, because Dan’s never met a man with legitimately soft hair before. 

Arin frowns, looking worried. “Have you been sleeping okay?”

Dan nods. “The fact that it’s winter is helping. I fell asleep around 7:30 last night, so it was already dark.”

“Good,” Arin says. Then, they both rouse with grunts and groans for their stiff, old bones, because their gate is cheerfully announced over the intercom. Dan and Arin present their tickets, then shuffle their way onto the giant metal tube.

First class boarding turns out to be really awesome. Arin is one seat in front of Dan, and they’ve each got a little pod big enough to stretch out in, even for Dan’s ridiculous limbs. He kicks off his shoes first thing and leans back, sighing. 

“Good?” Arin grins at him, hands holding the first class menu. He can actually lean his arm over the edge of the pods, they’re so close. 

Dan leans his shoulder into Arin’s arm, smiling, and nods. “The best. Can we always fly first class?” Arin laughs, and Dan’s heart flutters. “Anything good?” He peers over at Arin’s menu. Since his stomach is starting to get a bit growly, he’s seriously debating getting some food.

“There’s a cheese platter that looks good.”

“Now, do I want to subject the plane to my farts…?”

“Always.” 

Arin’s eyes are glimmering, even though they are a bit hooded and sleepy. Dan feels like kissing him right then…but he’s interrupted by a flight attendant who comes over to him and then to Arin. Dan ends up ordering the cheese platter, because everything else is a bit too lunchish, and then leans back, snuggling into his blanket that he brought with him.

Arin is asleep before the safety demonstration ends. Dan spends a good hour of the five-hour flight watching him dream.

~

The Uber ride to the hotel is quiet. Vermont is cloudy and foggy, and it reminds Dan of riding the bus to school on a cold fall morning for some reason. He and Arin are both quiet; he’s a little tired himself, and Arin looks like he could do with a few hours’ sleep still. But that’s okay. Their Uber driver is a petite girl no older than 30, who had looked at both of her tall, masculine passengers with a wary eye upon picking them up.

Even though the ride is free thanks to Arin shamelessly plugging his Uber code on Grumps, Dan generously tips her when they arrive, and Arin promises a five-star rating through a snarling yawn. They check in the usual way and then head to their rooms. The hotel is a rustic ski lodge type of thing, only without a mountain. There’s a set of four buildings on top of a hill, and most of them are dark brown, as if they’d been carved from logs. Arin leads the way, which is good because Dan wasn’t paying attention. They have a suite that comes with complimentary breakfast, and all the comforts you could ask for in a hotel.

Arin opens the door and curses. 

Dan peeks around him. “What?” He blinks sleepily at Arin.

“I wanted two doubles, not one king.” Arin groans. “We’ll have to go back and ask for a room change.”

“Why? I don’t mind.” Dan slides in around Arin, dumping his bags on the ottoman at the foot of the bed and flopping down onto the covers. “Sharing a bed isn’t the most gay thing we could be doing.” He yawns into the pillow.

There’s silence in the room, and Dan sits back up. Arin’s face is blank; carefully so, Dan thinks. “What’s up, man?” he says, to break the deafening silence between them.

“You sure you’re okay with sharing a bed, man?” Arin asks, his face still carefully emotionless. “I don’t want you to feel weird or awkward, or…”

Dan stands up and goes to him, wrapping him in a tight hug. He can feel how tired Arin is with the way the younger man sags into him. Arin’s still nervous about his weight, constantly insisting he won’t be perfect until he hits 180 again. Dan doesn’t mind how Arin looks now, didn’t mind how Arin looked then, before paleo and before working out when he was all fat and no muscle. But all he feels he can say is that he’ll love Arin anyway, which is true.

Arin stumbles, afraid of crushing him, but Dan catches him easily, shifting his weight. “Ar,” he says warmly, “I’m not gonna freak out. This isn’t the first time I’ve shared a bed with a guy. Not even remotely.”

“But…” 

Dan shushes him gently. “I trust you. I know you’re not going to do anything I don’t want you to.” He kisses Arin’s forehead tenderly. “Now, you need some sleep. You’re dead on your feet.”

Arin grunts an affirmative. “You’re a lucky ducky, Avidan.” He faceplants into the bed, struggling to get the covers around him.

Dan laughs softly, settling in to spoon Arin. “What, that I never adjusted to L.A. time?”

“Yes.” Arin settles into being spooned and closes his eyes. He’s asleep before Dan’s had a chance to get comfortable, low snores starting already.

Dan snuggles up to Arin’s warmth and closes his eyes, ready to get some sleep, too.

~

Dan wakes up and checks his phone, feeling groggy from sleep. It’s been an hour, but he can’t sleep any more. He was basically just sleeping off the last dregs of getting up early, or possibly catching up on snippets of missed sleep here and there during his general working life. This album wouldn’t be the first one where he was sitting up editing his music in his office, wrapped in a blanket.

Dan shudders, thinking of writing the first Starbomb album, when he was barely eating and sleeping enough to keep himself on his feet. He’d ended up getting more caffeinated and sugar-high than usual, and when he rewatches those episodes, he can’t help but wince; it’s so obvious he’s not being genuine on camera. But the fans love 2014. A lot of the Grumps animated comes from that era. 

Dan shakes his head and sits up, stretching. He’s not going to think about that anymore. He’s here, in Vermont, with Arin. Through the window, he can see the mountains, straining through the fog. It’s beautiful. He crosses his arms over his knees and curls into himself, just staring out at nature.

A bird flutters into his vision, and he shifts, watching it. It’s hopping along the deck, beautifully bright red in color. A cardinal, he thinks. He remembers the winter birds that would come visit his mom’s birdfeeder when he was small. Yeah, nothing else could be this bright shade of red.

The cardinal hops around, twitching its head this way and that in the odd way that birds do. Dan smiles, watching it go about its business. Arin is still snoring beside him.

The bird flies off, and Dan yawns, stretching out his legs. He’s hungry, he realizes, and just a bit restless. He’s not the sort of hungry when he’d normally go get food. It’s just the edge of hunger that lets him know he needs to start thinking about closing down whatever he’s working on and get something to eat. His mind once again drifts to his early years working with Game Grumps, when he’d let this warning pass him by, substituting more Pepsi or Skittles, because the recording schedule back then was crazy, due to Dan only being free on weekends.

He feels tired just thinking about it. Though he loved the experience, he’d been so neglectful of his own needs that he’d lost weight he couldn’t afford to lose, and probably ended up exacerbating his illness because of it. A starving, malnourished body is ill-equipped to fight back. 

Dan’s stomach growls, and he sighs. The room is too quiet, like it often is while he’s being introspective. He shakes Arin until his friend wakes up. “Let’s go get dinner,” he says, a bit tightly. “I’m starving.”

Arin blinks, seeming to recognize that Dan’s been somewhere else while he’s been asleep, but knows he can’t press Dan right now. “Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my coat.”

Dan smiles at his socked feet. Thank God for Arin Hanson.  
~

“So,” Arin says, “you wanna tell me what’s up?”

They’re sitting in a very quiet casual restaurant not far from their hotel. The menu had tons of home-cooked comfort food, which is honestly what Dan needed after his walk down memory lane. He’d even ordered pancakes, knowing that Arin would recognize the signs of his stress.

Dan shrugs around a mouthful of delicious breaded mac and cheese. A weird starter to pair with pancakes, but no one was going to judge him. “I, uh,” he pokes at the pasta, “I was just…thinking. About my early years at Grumps.”

Arin reaches across the table, placing his hand against Dan’s arm. Dan’s wearing a sweater, but even so, he can feel the warmth of Arin’s hand through the polyester blend. He squeezes gently, watching Dan with compassionate, warm eyes, but doesn’t say anything. 

Dan swallows and continues, talking mostly to the table. “About how desperate and hungry I was…in more ways than one. How much I fought to be worthy of finally living my dream…” He sighs. “When I was facing death’s door, I didn’t know if I would even live to see 35. I neglected myself trying to pour my heart and soul into my work, so people had something to remember me by.”

Arin nods in understanding; Dan can see out of his peripheral. “Yeah. And with your family being so successful, that must’ve added extra stress.”

Dan sighs shakily, finally placing his hand over Arin’s and squeezing back. “Yeah…I didn’t want to let anyone down.”

Arin sandwiches Dan’s hand between his own suddenly, making Dan jump. “You weren’t going to let anyone down. Because you fought to live. And you did. You made it.” He smiles warmly, and Dan watches him, still feeling like he’s about to jump off a cliff, stomach swooping into his throat. “And you’re not going to let yourself get that bad again.” He says this with such conviction, such authority, that Dan sits up straight. He knows Arin’s talking about his eating habits now. It’s in the unspoken communication, the way Arin glances pointedly at Dan’s neglected pasta.

Dan nods, pulling back. Arin pulls back, too, out of Dan’s space. Gone is the bossman. Arin smiles warmly. But Dan takes a bite, anyway, because he is hungry, damn it. And he deserves to eat, to be comfortable, to relax. He deserves it all. He smiles at Arin. “Thank you.”

Arin grins, and sits back as the waitress brings their food. Dan notes that Arin is taking this vacation seriously: he’s got a pasta dish with shrimp nestled in amongst the long noodles. It smells good, but nothing can compare to the immediate comfort of pancakes, with butter melting on top of the short stack, blueberries tumbling off the side, slice of strawberry and banana making a tiny hill on the top. He wets his lips before smiling at the waitress. Once she leaves, he grabs for the syrup and then digs in eagerly. Arin laughs, digging into his own food at a much more measured pace.

“Your family wasn’t starving you back home, I hope?” Arin teases him gently, knowing the real cause of Dan’s ravenous hunger.

Dan snorts. “Quite the contrary, as usual. Mom always fusses at me that I don’t eat enough, and I’m pretty sure Dana put more on my plate on purpose several times.” 

Arin smirks. “It’s what you get for being skinny enough to model bikinis.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Arin, I’m not that thin!” He carves another bite, gathering a slice of banana and two stray blueberries, humming as the combination of flavors sits on his tongue. “And anyway, I am nowhere near good looking enough to model a bikini.”

“False. You are too attractive to model bikinis.” Arin argues, chomping on a piece of shrimp. “No one would get any work done. They’d all be too busy staring at you.”

Dan blushes shyly. He’s fairly confident about his body, but the fact that he’s always been too slim has made him self-conscious about showing off his bare midriff. The fact that Arin thinks he’s that attractive is adorable, to say the least. “…thanks, man.”

Then, Arin burps, and they dissolve into giggles.

~

There’s an unspoken agreement to turn in early after they get back to the hotel. The winter night is crisp and clear, and despite the chill, Dan opens the window during the drive back to the hotel, feeling the wind dig through his curls and run through them like a lover. When he finally gets too cold and puts the window up, he turns to find Arin’s eyes on him. There’s only a few sparse streetlights, and the quiet thumpings of a beat through the speakers from their driver’s Spotify playlist, so all Dan can make out is the vague shapes that make up his best friend’s face.

This car is small, and they’re both cramped into the back, their knees up against the seats. Dan can see a flash of Arin’s teeth, just a small one, quiet in the darkness, like a whisper. He knows the fond smile on his face, and Dan wonders if he’s good enough company to replace Suzy. Understandably, Arin always wants to call her and be in nigh-constant communication with her when they’re apart, and it’s never bothered Dan. It doesn’t now. He just knows he can be rotten company when he’s not trying to put on a friendly face.

He blindly reaches his hand out and finds Arin’s resting casually on the seat. He rests his hand over Arin’s, shocked at how warm it is, and Arin automatically shifts to hold Dan’s. “Your hands are cold,” he fusses, voice low enough that the driver can’t hear.

Dan nods. “Forgot my gloves.” He shrugs, smiling slightly.

Arin tuts and then lets go of Dan’s hand, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. He doesn’t force it, like he would for a bit, but Dan goes, caught up in Arin’s planet-like gravity, a meteorite destined to become a moon. He ends up tucked under Arin’s chin, and he can feel Arin settle on his head, can hear him swallow. Not in a nervous way, just in a usual way. His beard is prickly, but Dan doesn’t mind. Arin doesn’t smell like much; something clean that might be laundry detergent, a faint hint of sweat, something fruity that might be his shampoo. 

Dan sighs in contentment, snuggling closer, wrapping an arm across Arin’s front. It’s not the most comfortable cuddling position. His arm is trapped awkwardly between them, left to dig into Arin’s side, and they’re both too tall to make use of the space they’ve got efficiently. But…it’s nice all the same. And warm. Dan actually yawns, even though he’s not all that tired. 

“Comfy?” Arin’s voice and deep chuckle seem to vibrate through him, and Dan shivers. But when Arin goes to pull away, Dan makes a stubborn noise of protest and pulls him back. 

“Mmhm,” he responds, nuzzling into Arin’s neck. “You’re like a space heater, dude. It’s nice.”

Arin noses into the space between where Dan’s sideburns end and his cheek begins and presses a long kiss to that spot. It sends another delighted shiver through Dan, and he giggles, struggling to get in closer. 

He wants to fall asleep just like this, warm and snuggled against Arin’s side like a child’s beloved toy, kissed softly in spots he didn’t even know were so sensitive until he drifts off to sleep.

~

That night, Dan dreams again of kissing Arin. 

It was the kind of dream so full of intense feeling that, had it been a sex dream, he would’ve woken up raging hard. As it is, he wakes up with his heart feeling full to bursting with affection and, honestly, with the desire to make his dream a reality. 

He knows exactly how he’s going to kiss Arin. And the weather is calling for snow, too. Just in time.

~

They grab their complementary hotel breakfast and then head into town. There’s a neat little bookstore that Dan desperately wants to visit, and they both want to go to The Vermont Country Store, which looks like an oversized log cabin and feels more homey than a lot of department stores.

Arin is full of his usual energy, a measured boisterousness that he often adopts when he’s trying to take in everything. It’s a little bit of his ADD coming out, and Dan loves it, just as he loves every aspect of Arin.

He wants a flannel. Mostly because flannels are warm, and they have some lined with an extra layer, built for the cold. In California, he won’t need them, but since he travels a lot, he absolutely will eventually.

“What do you think?” He asks Arin. He’s slipped into one of the lined flannels that’s a size too big (he thinks; it swallows his figure whole) and thrown his leather jacket over his arm.

Arin whiffs, doing a “nyeh” motion with his hand. “Go one size down, I think.”

Dan sighs. “But this is the only blue one!” He whines playfully.

Arin snorts, digging into the racks. “Here!” He holds one up triumphantly. “Try this!”

Dan tilts his head contemplatively. Back when he was frightfully skinny, he had a flannel in just that pattern. But it is his size, and more like a jacket; the outer material is more coarse, but the inside is lined with shearling, like an Ugg boot. It looks very warm, and it’s even got a hood.

Arin takes Dan’s leather jacket on impulse as Dan slips into the new flannel. “Yeah? Yeah?” Arin’s eyes are bright, and he’s smiling proudly like he’s just struck gold.

“I have to admit,” Dan hums, running his fingers along the soft (and gloriously warm) shearling, “this is really good!” The fit is nice, a bit more snug, which is how he likes his jackets. The sleeves are long enough, and the jacket hits him just below the belt, which is always a surprise to find in a fit. He puts the hood up and snuggles into it, grinning, only to find Arin’s snapped a picture of him.

“Can I send it to Suzy?” He asks, gesturing with his phone. 

Dan nods, looking over his shoulder. He looks pretty cute, he has to admit. Suzy will love it. To his surprise, Arin puts his phone away instead of sending it immediately. His heart warms again that Arin is determined to spend this time together, without involving his wife. Though he wonders if that makes him a jealous or selfish lover.

As if sensing inner turmoil, Arin yanks Dan by the wrist, pulling him through the store. “I saw a fudge counter, dude,” he says with feeling. “We have to get some!”

“Hell yeah!” Dan cheers, nearly trotting to keep up with Arin’s gallop.

~

“Oh, my God, Dan,” Arin beckons, “you have to try this!”  
Dan’s been eyeing a peanut butter cup fudge, but as soon as he turns around, Arin is pressing a sample size bit of fudge into his mouth. 

It’s such an intimate gesture, and Dan’s world freezes and narrows. Arin’s thumb on his lips, how when he takes the offered bite, his tongue rasps against Arin’s finger, tasting Arin’s skin and more traces of the fudge. How intimate of a gesture it looked.

He blushes, flustered as he chews. He’s not…mad, per se. Just…surprised. He doesn’t generally like PDA.

“It’s good, right?!” Arin was practically bouncing up and down. “It’s maple pecan! It’s delicious!” Before even waiting for Dan’s answer, he composed himself slightly and ordered a pound of the maple pecan fudge, as well as some plain fudge flavors and the one Dan had been eyeing.

Dan spent their time at the cheese counter and in line to pay for their things distracted by the memory of the taste of maple on the pads of Arin’s fingers.

~

It was going to snow tonight. Dan could tell.

The air tasted like snow, which is only something you know if you’ve lived any length of time in a state with snow. The air becomes tight, almost suffocating, and the air quality lessens in some way, like there’s something missing.

He and Arin were holding hands, just walking through town, enjoying the quiet. Vermont was different than Los Angeles. There were less people, and an overabundance of dogs. (Dan had eagerly greeted several just in the last few minutes.) The people were distant, but friendly, in that weird New York/New Jersey way, where everyone would rather just pretend you don’t exist. California was a lot like that as well, come to think of it. Only they hadn’t been approached by a single fan so far.

Dan hoped it stayed that way. Fans were nice, but they were also cunning. No telling what they’d make of Dan and Arin together, alone without a live show or concert planned, with no family around for them to be “visiting.” Without Suzy.

Dan held Arin’s hand tighter, swinging his shopping bag in his other hand. He was only carrying one; the bag from the Vermont Country Store, which was holding his leather jacket (since the new one he’d purchased was warmer), and their fudge and cheese. 

Arin ran his thumb over the knobby back of Dan’s hand. “Whatchya thinkin’ about?” The question was casual, but when Dan looked into Arin’s eyes, they were so serious. The centers seemed dark, swirling with untold mystery. His jaw was set, determined. “You’ve been a little off all day.”

Dan shrugged. “I just know I’m not like Suzy, company-wise,” he began, staring at the pavement. Why was he turning into this blushing bride all of a sudden? What about this was making him so introspective? “And I was thinking about what we’d say, if we ran into fans…”

“Dan,” Arin stopped them, pulled them aside, out of the way of the sparse foot traffic. Three cars purred by, and two children belonging to the family that had been walking behind them stopped to tug on the low-hanging branch of a conifer. But Dan was watching Arin more than anything. The set jaw went unchanged. Was Arin worried about him? Dan didn’t want that. But before he could reassure, Arin went on, squeezing Dan’s hand. “You’re not like Suzy,” he said. “You’re not a pretty, gothic girl with perfect winged eyeliner.” Dan giggled. “You’re Dan. You’re you. But I like you.” He shifted the bags he was carrying around so he could grip Dan’s wrist, pulling him in closer. “I wouldn’t have agreed to go here—hell, I wouldn’t have wanted a QPR with you—if I didn’t like you. If I didn’t love you.”

Dan looked at Arin, the way his posture had softened, the way his eyes were soft and encouraging. He felt the urge to lean in, to close the distance. But he wanted equally to wait for the right moment, the right time. And he wanted to listen to what Arin had to say. 

“You’re not like Suzy, but you’re one of my favorite people to be around. You and I, we’ve only known each other…what is it, seven years? But it feels like longer. It feels like we grew up together.” Arin smiles, reaching up to cup his warm hand around Dan’s neck. His neck is cold, so he feels the warmth like a flame, and leans into it easily. “I don’t mind just taking things in with you. Life doesn’t have to be constant chatter. I like watching you watch things, because you’re so expressive.” He smiles. “Portrait painters back in the day would’ve been honored to paint you.”

Dan blushes. “Arin…”

“I love you,” Arin says, and Dan can feel the depth of that statement. It’s in everything Arin does for him, and has done for him in the past. For the first time, it occurs to Dan that wanting a QPR wasn’t new for Arin. He’s wanted this for a long time. With him.

It doesn’t seem real. He feels like he’s going to faint.

Arin swings around to kiss his cheek. Or, he means to. What he gets is Dan’s jaw, because Dan has about a quarter of an inch on him. “Okay?”

Dan nods, smiling. He feels relieved that he’s not boring Arin. He pulls Arin close, into an awkward “I’m holding shopping bags” sort of hug. But it’s no less meaningful. “Thank you,” he says into Arin’s neck. “I love you, too. So much.”

Arin rubs his back, and they stand there, hugging, for minutes longer than is strictly necessary. Except it really is necessary. For them.

“And the fans can think what they want,” Arin says once they pull apart. He says it so suddenly and so confidently that it surprises a laugh out of Dan. “Seriously! We know what we are.” He takes Dan’s hand again. “No one has to understand it except us.”

Dan nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

“You good?” Arin raises an eyebrow. It makes him look very paternal.

Dan gently tips his forehead in against Arin’s. “Hell yeah.”

“Good.” Arin pats Dan’s arm. “Now, I’m buying you a scarf. Your neck is going to freeze off!”

Dan rolls his eyes, but chases after Arin anyway. “I’m fine! It’s going to snow soon, anyway.”

“No you are not!” Arin rebuts, half-laughing himself. “You will get frostbite and die!”

Dan can only laugh helplessly. What else is he meant to do, anyway?

~

“It’s too bad neither of us drink,” Arin says as he’s setting out their food.

“Hmm? Why’s that?” Dan’s reclining on the plush sofa, feet up on the ottoman, paging through his new books. They smell good, like an old library, and he can’t get enough of it.

“Because wine and cheese go good together,” Arin says.

“Well,” Dan stretches, grunting. “You could have wine. If you wanted. Order a glass for yourself, see how you like it.”

“Nah. I don’t like wine, anyway.”

Dan laughs, hand over his stomach, one foot falling off the ottoman. “You’re gonna kill me, dude.”

“Psh,” Arin dismisses. 

Dan looks out onto their deck and grins. “Arin! Look!” He hops up, going over to open the sliding door.

“Dan!” Arin scrambles after him, grabbing Dan’s flannel and his new scarf. (He’d found one in Danny Sexbang colors. Absolutely perfect.) “You’re gonna catch cold out there!”

“Okay, mom,” Dan teases fondly. “But look! It’s snowing!”

It was, indeed, snowing. And it was a proper snow, too. Although the flakes so far were falling gently, like a picturesque Christmas card, the snow was already sticking to the ground below. The mountains they could see clearly from their room were already getting white.

“It’s beautiful,” Dan sighed, shrugging into his jacket. He tilted his head up, closing his eyes. The snowflakes were falling onto his face. He could feel them, like kisses, before the heat of his skin melted them away.

Arin threw his scarf at him, making him jump. He stuck his tongue out at Arin as he put it on.

Arin was still in his jacket and hat, and he looked cozy, staring in awe at the snow, his hands on the balcony. “Wow,” he mused. “Why does this feel so magical?”

“Because we never get snow in California,” Dan replies. The wind buffets his hair against his face, but all he can think of is his dream.

It was almost shockingly like this. He and Arin, out in the snow, yet cozy and warm in each other’s presence. Time seemed to stand still as he leaned in, and finally got to taste Arin for the first time, to learn what that would feel like.

Would he taste like maple syrup? Or coffee? Or mint? Would he taste as soft and warm and kind as he was?

Despite the warmth of his coat, Dan was already starting to shiver. But he didn’t want to go inside, didn’t want to let go of this moment. He could stand here for the rest of eternity watching Arin watch the snow, bright-eyed, like a child on Christmas morning.

“It’s beautiful,” Arin says. He’s talking about the snow.

“I know,” Dan says. He’s talking about Arin.

His heart is thumping a nervous beat in his chest. He wants so badly to kiss Arin, for this to be a thing he’s allowed to do. He wants Arin to do it to him, because Arin is braver, and Arin will pull him in for a kiss…

But he’d never do it unless Dan does it first. To say it’s okay. 

Arin turns towards Dan. “I’m glad we came,” he says warmly, his voice thick and full of love and emotion. His eyes are watching Dan’s.

“Yeah,” Dan breathes. He moves closer to Arin, touching his shoulder, his neck, his cheek. Arin’s face is cold, and Dan feels so warm. He wants this. He does.

Dan leans forward, and Arin does, too. They meet in the middle. At first, it’s awkward, but they find their rhythm quickly. Dan is delighted to learn that Arin does indeed taste like maple syrup. He tastes rich and thick and sweet, which, surprisingly, is a lot like who he is. Dan wonders how he tastes. Arin runs a hand through his hair, down to his scalp, and Dan sighs into the kiss, crawling closer, wanting and needing more. And Arin encourages him, mirrors his movements, kisses back.

They part for air, giggling like schoolchildren, and, looking at Arin’s flushed face, the way he’s smiling shyly, clearly pleased, Dan can’t imagine ever being scared of kissing him.

And then the wind blows straight through him, and he shivers with purpose.

“C’mon,” Arin encourages, “let’s go inside.”

~

Dan closes the sliding door and is immediately embraced by the warmth of the room. Arin sits on the bed, hands folded, and looks up at Dan. “Okay, so…we need to talk.”

Dan feels himself go pale. He feels suddenly off-balance, lightheaded, and sick to his stomach all at the same time. Shit. Maybe Arin hadn’t wanted to kiss him after all. Suzy had been wrong, and now he’s fucked up everything…

Arin’s arms wrap around him, drawing him closer. “Hey, hey. Dan? Baby?” He waits until Dan’s eyes find his. “I’m fine. I’m okay.” He gently presses his lips to Dan’s. It’s just a quick peck, and Dan chases it, desperate. He can’t imagine a world where he’s not allowed to kiss Arin whenever he wants to. How did he sit beside this glorious man for so long without knowing how to kiss him? Without even wanting to? It’s unfathomable.

Dan blinks, looking up at Arin in a daze. “Yeah,” he finally says, “I’m okay, too.” He stands strong in Arin’s arms, meaning across Arin’s shoulders as he goes in to kiss him again. Words won’t serve him as well as body language right now.

This kissing could, Dan thinks, be frantic in the right situation. But Dan doesn’t want to rush. He doesn’t want to ravish Arin wholly and completely. His love for Arin remains strictly platonic. He’s not aroused by the kiss. It really almost feels like kissing a dear friend. It means more than a stage kiss, to be sure. But this isn’t the kiss fangirls dream about.

Arin pulls away panting, and Dan draws quick breaths into his lungs. Arin rests against his chest, sighing, and Dan pulls him close, like a teddy bear.

Then, because something always has to ruin peaceful moments like this, Dan’s stomach growls, and he realizes that part of his lightheaded, dazed feeling is probably linked to needing food. He hasn’t eaten since their early lunch several hours ago, and they’ve been walking around quite a lot.

Arin laughs softly. “Let’s order room service before they close down for the night. Sound good?”

Dan giggles. “Obviously. I’m starving.” He pulls reluctantly away from Arin’s embrace and reaches for the room service menu. He still feels chilled to the bone, and Arin can obviously see him shivering as he pours over the menu, because he sits right up next to Dan, sharing body heat in the places they touch. “Mmm…that three cheese ravioli sounds divine.” He licks his lips hungrily.

“Got it. I’ll order us some hot chocolate, too.” Arin tugs the menu onto his lap. “Why don’t you go shower? It’ll warm you up.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Dan nods.

~

Dan closes the door to the bathroom and turns on the water. While he waits for it to heat up, he carefully strips off all his layers and sets them neatly on the lip of the sink. He’s not going to bother washing his hair or anything like that because it’ll take too long, and he’s hungry. So instead, he just climbs into the shower and stands under the spray, wiping himself down with a bar of soap.

The water is hot against his skin, and makes his head feel airy, like he has a fever. That means that he’s overheating, but, at the moment, he doesn’t care. Instead, he runs his hands through his curls and goes over everything in his head.

Just like in his dream, he’d kissed Arin in the snow. And just like in his dream, he felt at peace. 

To his surprise, he wasn’t panicking about his sexuality or anything of the sort. It was just all…nice. Arin was his friend that he kissed sometimes. 

Dan hears the hotel room door open and close, and he eagerly turns off the water and gets out, slipping into the hotel’s warm, plush spa robe and wrapping it around him, tying it neatly at his waist. Part of him is concerned with being butt naked around Arin…but his stomach is growling, and his head is full of images of delicious cheese ravioli, so he can’t imagine giving a fuck.

Dan trots over to the bed, sitting up against the headboard and pulling his dish close to him. Arin had thoughtfully left it on his nightstand for him, and he hums in delight, inhaling the delectable scent of it. As he carves carefully into the super large, super thick ravioli, Arin climbs in next to him, chomping down on a sausage and rice dish covered in gravy. The younger man turns on the TV, flipping channels. “Whaddya wanna watch?”

Dan shrugs, settling in so he can snuggle up against Arin, head resting on his shoulder, the dish resting on his thighs. “I don’t care,” he says, nuzzling into Arin’s neck. “Whatever you want, baby.”

Arin wriggles his eyebrows suggestively, which nearly makes Dan choke on his ravioli.

The man he loves more than anything in the world is a fucking idiot.

He couldn’t imagine it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> This turned into a very long fic. Oops.
> 
> Right now, it feels weird to write Dan in relationships because Dan revealed he has a girlfriend... I'm super happy for him, though! 
> 
> I think I'll get over it after a few days. I just feel weird because of my empathic feelings...XD 
> 
> -_-'


End file.
